My Story… Anxiety/Panic Attacks… Anyone else????

Here is my story….

My mild anxiety started when I had my son. I never ever in my life felt that kind of anxiousness… Everytime he would cry or get sick, I felt like it was the END OF THE WORLD… especially if he got sick (I am still like this but it’s not quite as bad, as he gets older. He is now almost 8 years old). I always get the upset/knots in my stomach… and I always thought okay, that’s a form of anxiety…OR like how in the winter it gets dark here at like 4:30PM and I hate the dark but when its dark outside I feel ALOT more anxious.

I can’t control it, it’s just a feeling that comes over me… More recently though is what has scared me. In december of 2017, before christmas, I woke up around 4am and felt sick. Now I have bad digestive issues and sometimes if I eat to late at night, I would wake up in the night, feeling pukeish then it would go away after I got sick.. This was somewhat normal for me, until that one night when I woke up and had my first panic/anxiety attack! I can’t even describe the feeling. At first I thought maybe my blood pressure was high or low, I felt shaky, my heart was racing SO fast i thought it was going to come out of my chest, I was on the verge of passing out and over all just bad!… I even called my mom to come over with her blood pressure machine..

So that day I went about my business and thought okay, I hope this never happens again… But it did, the next morning. I woke up around 4am again and went a little longer without feeling bad, it was around 5:30 that it started coming on again. I called my mom and said I want to go to the hospital because something was seriously wrong. I had, had a headache for a few days that I couldn’t get rid of, I ended up at the hospital and they gave me a shot in my thigh for migraines. It worked and it was the first time in almost a week I felt relief. But for almost a week after that second panic attack, I felt spacey and my head was really messed up feeling. So anyways while I was at the doctors he said that he thought it was anxiety attacks that I was having and prescribed Ativan .5mg. for when I felt these symptoms coming on.

Now anyone who knows me, knows I hate taking pills, even Advil and Tylenol so it was a little scary. He almost gave me meds for migraines (which I havent had to take any since I picked them up) but the Ativan is a different story. I have had to take a few since then, maybe 6-7??? on different days but that is 6-7 too much for me… What is going on that I am having these panic/anxiety attacks? I hate it. I feel like I am loosing all control and that’s something that scares the crap outta me.

It seems like every day that’s all I think about. Omg is it happening again? Will it happen again? I have noticed that I have certain “triggers” that seem to set them off, or partially off. Some of these include: Bright lights, or flashing lights…. At night my eyes get sooo dry it feels like cotton balls on my eyes, well that is another trigger. Stress and BS on an almost daily basis is another… Is this something I have to live with the rest of my life? I sure hope not….

Obviously this is just a quick post to get my story out there but there are lots of little things. I have joined a group on facebook for panic/anxiety attacks and have found lots of similar stories as mine so it’s kind of relieving knowing that I am not alone in experiencing these feelings, it really sucks that so many people feel this way.

When it happens, all I want is someone there to comfort me, tell me its going to be okay but to be understanding and non-judgemental. It’s all so hard and I don’t like these feelings, being on edge every single moment of the day. There has been a few times that I was able to get myself calm before I had a full-blown one and its tough.. There are times if I am busy doing stuff that, it sort of keeps my mind off of it for a bit. It seems I have no patience for anything or anyone now a days.. I havent been sleeping well at all. I made it so that I go to bed closer to midnight/1am so that there’s less chance of me waking up around 4am and wanting to have another attack!!!! I don’t want this to control my life.. IT CANNOT control my life,,, Only I can!!!!!

So I did some research online and found that ALOT of the symptoms that come with anxiety disorders are the same as I have been experiencing for some time and others are more recent, but the following is a list that I made:

  • Excessive worry
  • Sleeping disorders
  • Overwhelming and irrational fear
  • Clenching your jaw, balling your fists and constant muscle tension
  • Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS)
  • Panic attack – a sudden feeling of helplessness
  • Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
  • Feeling apprehensive and dreadful
  • Trouble focusing and concentrating
  • Expecting the worst
  • Feeling irritated often
  • Experiencing restlessness
  • Confusion
  • Panic
  • Feeling unreal

AND

Physical symptoms of anxiety disorders

  • Sweating
  • Higher heart rate
  • Feeling nauseous
  • Tensed muscles
  • Fatigue
  • Insomnia
  • Headaches
  • Increase frequency of bathroom usage
  • Dizziness
  • Pressure on the chest
  • Hot and cold flushes
  • Numbness or tingling sensations
  • Choking sensation

I have and still do experience most of these. I am slowly trying to take control of my life again but it’s super hard..

Well that is my story and I am sure if I think of anything else, I will post it here. I hope my story can help someone, even if it’s just to vent, talk or making a new friend. I am here and would love to chat with you. Maybe we can help each other with some techniques that we find help? I always find a nice bubble bath helps relax me some! Anyone else? I would love to hear some new tips…

Thanks for listening to me! xo
-Holly

From a mom trying to get her mind back in tact!!!!

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